Elder Days Story Time

Many and Various Ramblings

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Today's Question
fan_tasylov_er wrote in e_d_s_t
Yes does Chocolate make you feel good?

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Ahh, finally we're back in business! This is a problem with structuring my column like a call-in radio show: If no one calls in, we gots no show. I'm dependent on you, people!

In any case,

Dear FL,

Of course chocolate makes me feel good. As the poet said, I'm a god-damned human being. I won't get into the filthy details of digestive chemistry and neurotransmitter emulation here (because that's boring), but I will tell you a story about celebrated author Terry Pratchett.

Mister Pratchett keeps an unusual paperweight on his desk. It's a fossil bone from an archelon, a kind of prehistoric giant turtle. The particular species of this fossil has been named after him by an archaeologist fan. That's cool.

He uses the fact of this coolness as a sort of a test for people who visit him in his office. If he tells someone about the paperweight, and they say, "Wow! That's cool," he knows that person is human. If they don't react, or are confused, he knows they're aliens bent on global domination, and can vaporise them with his raygun without remorse.

I don't vaporise as many people as Mister Pratchett, but I do use a human test. I ask someone, "Would you like some chocolate," and if the answer is anything other than, "Oo, yes, please," I have my answer.

Now, not all replies that aren't enthusiastic assent are raygun-worthy. Some people, bless their hearts, are allergic to chocolate. These poor souls may have some vestige of humanity, and are thus worth our pity. People who just plain don't like it, however, earn only contempt.

And a blast from the Man-Melter ZX.

Two-Fistedly Yours,

Elder Days Story Time

o_0 -_- o_0 *Giggles MADLY*
I think We were tooooo tired when FL wrote that

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